


One time Aziraphale Watched his Back and Five times he didn't

by Zeckarin



Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [51]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: (later) - Freeform, 5+1 Things, Always happy ending you know me, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Aziraphale Has Many Eyes (Good Omens), Aziraphale Whump (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), But nothing too bad so far, Creepy Sandalphon (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad With Horses (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Crowley to the Rescue (Good Omens), Crowley's Eyes (Good Omens), Drunken Shenanigans, Even offscreen Sandalphon is a creep, Gen, Happy Ending, Heaven is the worst, Humor, Like many many eyes, Oysters, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Queerplatonic Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Sandalphon loves to smite, divine judgment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29643465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeckarin/pseuds/Zeckarin
Summary: Aziraphale is, technically, a Principality. But he had been created a Cherub.It means eyes. Many eyes. Our angel doesn't need to turn around to watch his back.Which is a good thing, since watching one's back has become second nature for angels and demons since the Fall.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [51]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523585
Comments: 44
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sammininoofthelord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammininoofthelord/gifts).



> Another 5+1 everyone!!  
> Well... 1+5 ^^
> 
> SIX chapters. It's a 5+1, it HAS to be six chapters, right? There's no way I'll change it this time!  
> (looks at her others 5+1 and sighs)
> 
> Thank you, sammininoofthelord, for suggesting this story! I hope you will like it!

1899 BC, Mesopotamia 

_It could have all gone a smidge better_ , decided Aziraphale, looking down forlornly at his bound hands.

He had only _suggested_ to the king that _maybe_ flogging his subjects for being unable to pay taxes was a little bit _stupid_.

It wasn’t like you could _force_ someone to stop being poor, after all. And even if you could, coercion was never a solution.

He took in a deep breath, and pressed his lips firmly. Escaping was out of the question, Gabriel would be furious if he used a miracle to get himself out of trouble.

The door opened again, and he didn’t even turn back. He had eyes enough to know what was waiting without using his corporation’s.

Well, at least while that sadistic human would be flogging him, he would leave his other prisoners alone.

The thought wasn’t as comforting as Aziraphale wanted it to be.

In his back, he saw the king’s bloodthirsty grin, then he saw something else.

With wide eyes, Aziraphale turned to the door. “Crawly!”

The king tried to turn too, but fell to the floor instead.

Crawly levelled an irritated look at his angelic nemesis, and snapped his fingers, freeing Aziraphale’s hands. “What in the name of Satan are you doing here, angel?”

Aziraphale looked down at the lifeless body, horrified. “Crawly, what have you _done_?”

“Saved your skin, that’s what I’ve done. Why did I have to do it is the real question. Did you forget how to snap?” snapped the demon.

“I—I am not allowed,” said Aziraphale, looking away with a blush.

Crawly ground his teeth. “You’re not allowed to do miracles?”

“Ah. Yes. At the moment, I mean. God—She decided to slow down on the obvious miracles. Asked to be a little more inconspicuous. So I have been ordered to—to stop using miracles.”

Crawly blinked. “What, _at all?_ ”

“Yes. Archangel’s orders, you understand,” chuckled Aziraphale in a tone of voice that suggested that all this was only a funny misadventure.

The demon snarled. “That bunch of wankers is always trying to interpret Her orders in whatever way pleases them the most.”

Aziraphale opened his mouth to argue, then decided there were more pressing matters to take care of.

“This is of no importance, Crawly,” he declared hurriedly, ignoring the other’s attempt at protesting that _yes, it was pretty important_ , “Why have you killed him?”

The demon shrugged. “What? I’m a demon, Aziraphale. I don’t show _mercy_.”

“But he was… Crawly, he was your _assignment_ ! You told me you were here to influence him! How will you tempt him now that he is _dead_?”

Crawly frowned, and tilted his head to consider his old adversary closely. Aziraphale was wringing his hand worriedly, and looked left and right as if he expected someone to attack them any minute.

“Nahh, I’ll tempt his half brother instead. Send a report to Hell saying the man seemed even worse and will bring about much more evil on Earth. They’ll buy it.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Surely they will not accept that.”

“Are you really questioning my abilities as a liar, angel?” growled Crawly threateningly.

“Oh, my dear fellow, of course not!”

The angel didn’t even look afraid, only worried to have hurt Crawly’s _feelings_. Crawly felt quite put out.

“Anyway, it’s good for you, no?” asked the demon, waving towards the mess. “You were there to thwart me, after all. I guess you’ll get a commendation for that one.”

Aziraphale looked dumbfounded. “But… I didn’t do a thing!”

“You don’t have to tell them _that_.”

The angel gaped. “That would be _lying_!”

Crawly rolled his eyes. “Always better than saying that a _demon_ saved your life, don’t you think?”

“Oh, dear,” muttered Aziraphale. “You are right. What should I tell them?”

He was clearly thinking out loud, but Crawly decided to take it as if the question was directed to him nonetheless. “Could say it was your doing and reap the praises. That’s what _I’d_ do.”

Again, the angel blinked in surprise, then offered a nervous smile*. “I suppose I could imply that the king’s demise was… incited by my presence. Leaving the throne empty for a fairer ruler.”

Crawly made an impressed face. “You wouldn’t even be lying.”

Aziraphale brushed his sleeve smugly. “I know.”

*Aziraphale actually thought it highly unlikely that praises of any kind would go his way. To be honest, the only reason the angel knew someone read his reports was that he received strongly worded notes when a blessing had gone pear shaped. Never the other way around.

Crawly pushed the king’s body with the tip of his foot. “Let’s lie low somewhere for a few hours. I know a tavern out of town, just an hour away. Should be far enough to be safe when the shit hits the fan.”

The angel rolled his eyes. “Must you be so _crass_?”

“I absolutely _must_ ,” assured Crawly with a proud grin.

Again, Aziraphale looked down at the body. “But, my dear… are you truly certain Hell will accept your suggestion of—of changing your assignment midway? Won’t there be repercussions?”

The demon chuckled. “Come on, give Hell a little credit here, angel. My bosses may be Fallen but they’re not _stupid_ . They know I am best placed to make those kinds of decisions. They don’t _trust_ me, obviously, but they let me take initiative as long as the result is positive.” He tilted his head, frowning. “Or… negative? Hey, you’re the bookish one, what world would you use for a successful demonic deed?”

Aziraphale was gaping at him. Crawly felt like he was missing something important, but had no idea _what_. Then he remembered his snake eyes looked even worse in the dark.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he snapped.

Aziraphale paled, realising his fr—enemy probably thought he was judging him (really, that poor Crawly had _lovely_ eyes, and the humans’ reactions to them was unfair).

But he couldn’t very well tell him the truth behind that inappropriate stare, could he? It had come as a shock to learn that Crawly was given so much liberty with his work. But he could certainly not show it.

Heaven was the place of _good_ things, so it would only make sense that the Archangels ruled it perfectly. No, the only reason Aziraphale wasn’t allowed to make suggestions, or, _Heaven forbid_ , to take initiative, couldn’t be because his superiors were lacking.

 _It has to be me_ , Aziraphale reminded himself, not for the first time, with a firm nod.

He smiled brightly, trying his best to soothe Crawly’s feelings. “The tavern sounds like a wonderful idea, my dear. My treat.”

Crawly shrugged, mollified. “You bet it’s your treat. I saved your feathery arse.”

“ _Really_ , Crawly.”

* * *

  
  


Five hours later, the city looked like an anthill that had been kicked by the largest foot in the universe.

A few miles away, an angel and a demon were getting actively sloshed.

“And you… you’ll never believe what she said!” slurred Crawly. “She said I looked like a _mongoose_!”

Aziraphale gasped in shock. “She did _not_!”

Crawly nodded emphatically. “Cross my heart. A mongoose! Me!”

“You look _nothing_ like a mongoose!” assured the angel, patting his friend’s arm reassuringly (and clumsily). “A frog, sometimes, maybe, but not a _mongoose_.”

Crawly gaped, glass halfway to his mouth, unable to move. “A _frog_?”

Aziraphale was too inebriated to notice the outraged tone. “Yes, when you do that—that face.” He looked up and beamed. “Yes, _that’s_ the one! This face! Make you look like a… you know, that thing with the… things.”

“A frog?” repeated Crawly, horrified.

The angel nodded enthusiastically. “’Xactly.”

“M’not a frog! M’a bloody snake! I _eat_ frogs!” cried Crawly.

“You’re not making any sense,” slurred Aziraphale. “Snakes don’t eat frogs, they eat _mice_.”

“Oh yeah? So what do they eat in the _rainforest_ , mister know-it-all?” growled Crawly.

Aziraphale glared back. “ _Mice!_ ”

“There’s no mice in South America!”

“ _Of course_ there are!”

Everyone in the tavern turned to look at the two strange men yelling at each over. They were both standing on either side of the table, hands gripping the edge like they were trying to wrestle it from the other’s grasp*.

* They were actually trying not to fall head first.

The humans looked at each other, shrugged, and got back to their drinks.

Pana, the owner’s daughter, poured a cup of wine, keeping an eye on the two men arguing in the back. They were sitting again, and seemed to both be pouting. She sighed loudly as her mother called her, and headed back to the kitchen.

Nothing interesting _ever_ happened here, she thought.

Pana changed her mind three days later, when it became obvious that the Gods were _very_ angry. The whole area had been infested by locust, red-bellied snakes, and even some kind of frogs no one had ever heard of but that burned to the touch. The clouds were taking terrifying shapes, and strange messages were written in blood on the city’s wall, asking for everyone to turn to the Lord of Darkness to calm his ire. 

Temples were built in haste, blood sacrifices were made (but not _human_ sacrifices, the messages were oddly specific about that).

Heaven suddenly realised that a concerning number of prayers was taking the wrong route. Enquiries were made, and it soon became obvious that Hell’s agent on Earth was taking advantage of his nemesis’ shortage of miracles.

Aziraphale was asked to use his powers again a week later. 

For the greater good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are with the "one time he did". Starting next chapter, Aziraphale will NOT watch his back in Crowley's presence.  
> Of course I will start with the FIRST time it happened.  
> Crowley will not freak out. He's a cool and collected demon, right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God is about to punish a city, and Crawly has been sent there to keep an eye on things. To observe from afar, without interfering.  
> But Crawly isn't a very obedient demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sad one, guys, sorry about that...  
> I am checking on my other fics, but my dear beta Meg asked me "IS THIS THE FIRST TIME CRAWLY CIRCLES AZIRAPHALE?" and... and I think it may be it!!!  
> Still checking, but it looks like it. I'll have to rewatch episode 3 too, but I'm pretty sure there's no real circling in the series before this chapter takes place.

1506 B.C, Indus Valley.

Crawly stopped his horse once he reached the border of the forest and tied it to a tree, hissing angrily as the animal tried to bite him.

“I’m not in the mood, you stupid nag!” he snapped, baring his teeth.

The horse eyed him stubbornly, then started to graze, ears folded.

Crawly knew better than to turn his back to it. Animals never liked him (except, of course, snakes, clever things that they were) but horses really _hated_ him. The feeling was mutual.

Stepping away from his ride, he looked back at the city’s shadow figure in the distance, pressing his lips together firmly. It had been a close one this time. Without that stupid mare, he would certainly be back in Hell, filling forms for another corporation.

The worst about all this was that he’d tried to _save_ those ridiculous humans. As soon as Hell had told him about the imminent smiting due to happen here, he’d decided to warn as many humans as possible.

Granted, lots of them were pretty awful in this town, and would end up directly downstairs once dead (which would come sooner than they thought), but still… _some_ of them weren’t that bad. You couldn’t damn (or bless) a whole city in one go like that. Humans had free _freaking_ will. There would always be a few of them that would stay good during the worst times. And a few that would turn bad even in the most happy and loving place on Earth. 

Humans weren’t fruits. You couldn’t decide that a whole town was rotten all of a sudden. And what about the innocents? What about the kids and babies?

So Crawly had tried to do something, if only to give _Her_ the finger, and it had not worked out very well for him. They had looked at him, called him a liar and tried to kill him. Because of the _snake eyes_ , of course.

Humans hadn’t cared very much about his eyes in the beginning, but these last centuries had been difficult for the demon. Miracles were less obvious (God’s orders), as well as magical creatures (who had learned to avoid humans), and being _different_ was not a good thing anymore. Humanity had gotten wary, which was making Crawly’s work much more difficult. As soon as they saw his eyes, humans assumed he was evil.

Which, well, wasn’t _wrong_ , in Crawly’s case, but tended to create a lot of awful difficulties for some innocent people* unlucky enough to be born a little different. 

*And for Crawly.

In the distance, the city suddenly became much more visible, the obscurity giving way to a light that was anything but natural.

Crawly growled in frustration. Too late to escape now. _Stupid humans_.

“I tried to _warn_ you!” he shouted, kicking a lump of grass.

“Will you keep it down?” snapped a familiar voice to his right. Crawly _didn’t_ startle*. Demons don’t startle.

*He did.

“Aziraphale?” he finally whispered.

“Of course it is me. Really, Crawly, who else did you expect?”

Crawly hissed. He wasn’t having a good day, and didn’t like being yelled at for no reason. “I didn’t expect _anyone_! What are you doing here?”

“What am _I_ doing here?” repeated the angel in disbelief, before pointing to the town in the distance. The light there was so bright Crawly couldn’t look at it directly.

“I should be the one to ask! What on _Earth_ are you doing here, Crawly?” The angel looked _furious_.

Crawly blinked, surprised. “Beg pardon?”

“Are you insane? Do you know what is happening there?” shouted Aziraphale, eyes blazing.

“Nice to see you too,” growled the demon, looking away with a snarl. “And yes, I know what’s happening. Even Hell got the memo. She decided to make an example _again_.”

The angel’s mouth set in a hard line. “And you have chosen to come and watch the show?” he asked with heavy sarcasm.

Crawly snapped. It had been a long day, he could sense the mounting tingling of an archangelic smiting about to land and destroy hundreds of lives, and didn’t need a stupid angel to accuse him on top of it all.

“You think I’m here for the _view_ ? You think just because I’m a demon, I’m having _fun_ watching this? Oh yes, what a great evening, let’s enjoy a good old barbecue!”

This time Aziraphale’s blazing eyes softened, and the anger disappeared from his voice. “I did not… mean to imply that. I am just—Crawly, you should not be here, this is way too dangerous.”

Crawly shrugged, and looked away. He was feeling a little bit guilty after his outburst. Of course that stupid angel would be angry out of _concern_ for him.

“I didn’t chose to be here,” he murmured. “M’not that stupid. But they sent me to keep an eye on things.”

Aziraphale gasped. “ _Hell_ sent you here, when Heaven is about to unleash the wrath of God?”

“Weeeell… they didn’t ask me to get _in_ the town. Just to observe.”

“But you _were_ in the town. I sensed your presence.”

Crawly glanced at his old nemesis. The angel was frowning in confusion. He sighed. “I was… trying to talk to them. Have some of them escape with their kids.”

Aziraphale smiled sadly. “Ah. Yes, I should have known. Were you successful?”

“Naah,” drawled the demon, trying to appear nonchalant. “They saw my eyes and chased me away.”

The angel shook his head. “Oh, my dear… I am sorry they did not listen to you.”

Crawly shrugged. “Well, I’m a demon. I’m not supposed to be trustworthy. In fact, I take it as a compliment.”

“But they _should_ have trusted you! You were trying to _help_ them,” said Aziraphale, his voice breaking a little.

Crawly made a face. “Help? _Me_ ? I don’t _help_! I was thwarting Heaven, that’s what I was trying to do. Since She wants all of them dead, seemed evil to save them, you see?”

The angel blushed slightly, realising his blunder. “Of course! Of course, _awful_ idea. Very—very devilish of you. You… you are a _foul fiend_!” he stammered, trying his best to appear indignant.

Crawly sighed inwardly. Well, at least Aziraphale was trying his best. “Exactly. And try not to forget it.” He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Humans _trusting_ me, really! Where would the world go if demons could be _trusted_?”

The light over the city seemed to pulsate, and Aziraphale turned quickly to look at it, unfurling his wings and blocking Crawly’s line of sight. _Shielding me_ , realised the demon.

For half a second, time seemed to stop, and thousands of cries started and stopped in a heartbeat. Then a wave of Divine Grace hit them both. Aziraphale’s wings wavered slightly against the blow, but stayed firmly spread in front of Crawly.

It tingled a little, even with the angel’s protection, and it wasn’t a _nice_ tingling*. Crawly waited for a moment, then stepped forward to look over Aziraphale’s shoulder.

*Sandalphon’s Grace was very distinctive. It had a _nasty_ edge.

No city. Heaven had been very thorough, as always.

It was only when a feather brushed his cheek under a gush of wind that Crawly realized how impolite he’d been acting, approaching the angel like that, in his back, and almost _touching_ him. Of course, Aziraphale was perfectly able to follow him with his ethereal eyes, but still. It was _rude_.

He took a step back, giving the angel more space. _He’d been almost grazing Aziraphale’s shoulder, what was wrong with him!_

That’s when he realized two things.

Firstly, Aziraphale hadn’t tensed like he always did when someone threatened to touch him without warning. The angel didn’t _like_ touch. Crawly knew it was because of his centuries spent among the humans, the most desperate of them being drawn to his divine light, to his appeasing presence. They craved to reach out to him and soothe the ache in their souls, but every contact made Aziraphale feel their pain and despair. After a while, he had learned to dread it and avoided it as much as possible.

Secondly, the angel wasn’t _watching_. Aziraphale had eyes everywhere, on the ethereal plane, each of them constantly on the lookout for a threat, giving him a perfect field of view. Crawly always had been a little jealous of those. Eyes like that could be very useful for a demon in Hell.

Crawly felt not one of them on him at the moment.

Frowning, he began to walk around the angel, squinting his eyes to watch Aziraphale’s ethereal form.

“Really, my dear,” said his frie--nemesis, still very much not watching his back as Crawly stepped behind him again, “can’t you sit down? You are making me feel dizzy.”

Crawly sprawled on the grass, dumbfounded. Aziraphale carefully sat next to him.

The demon noticed the angel’s elusive look, and the hint of pink on his cheeks.

Realisation hit. _He was doing it on purpose._

Deliberately letting his guard down, lowering his shield in front of a demon.

And, yes, all right, Crawly wasn’t just any demon, and they shared a pretty heavy amount of trust, but still. _Angels_ didn’t do that towards each other in Heaven. Any other angel could be an enemy in the making after all, they all knew it since the Fall.

“Aziraphale...” he started, feeling a little dizzy.

The angel finally looked up, jaw squared stubbornly. “Yes, Crawly?” he asked back, squinting his eyes as if to dare the demon to make a remark.

Crawly opened his mouth, then closed it. He really had no idea what to say or how to react. Slowly, he turned away, unable to look at his companion one more second.

Side by side, they watched over the empty plain until the sun started to tinge the horizon with beautiful pink and orange, two sentinels on a forbidden wake.

Dawn was always extraordinary after one of Her tantrums, thought the demon. Like She realized She’d gotten _a little_ carried away and tried to make up for it. 

Rainbows and sunrises as an apology. Not that anyone was still here to appreciate it. Not even Her angels stayed once they’d unleash Her punishment. No one cared, after all. It was only business.

He looked to his right, knowing he would see sorrow and tiredness etched on his companion’s features.

It wasn’t a good day, and Crawly felt awful.

But someone was by his side, feeling awful with him, and it made it all more bearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was VERY difficult to find a place on Earth for this chapter. I don't want to have our boys only "working" near Greece, Egypt or Babylon in the past, and at first I wanted it to take place in North-East Europe/Asia, but history around Russia B.C is... difficult to find. I searched! And now I'm frustrated because I want to learn more about it, he he^^  
> Indus Valley is one of the places that had big cities at the time, so here we are.  
> Of course Sodom and Gomorah would have been perfect, and I wrote it with them in mind, but...  
> It happened (according to my intense searches online^^) at the same moment as chapter one of this fic... and I needed some time to have past between the two. Shame, right?
> 
> Let's say God was trigger happy at the time and destroyed more than just two cities during this millenium^^.
> 
> Next chapter will take place at an orgy in ancient Greece.  
> Thank you for the idea, Meg. It will be REALLY FUN to write!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 41 A.D.  
> An angel and a demon are eating oysters at Petronius'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh look at that! Chapter count changed!
> 
> I know I've written some drunken shenanigans in chapter 1 already, but the boys couldn't stop talking (again) and I don't like to interrupt them.  
> So I had to cut this chapter in two parts.^^

41 AD, Roma

“You didn’t tell me why you’re here. Why’re you here?” slurred Crowley as his friend finished his oysters with a delighted wriggle.

Aziraphale put the empty shell down and looked left and right in what he no doubt imagined to be a stealthy move. Half the restaurant turned to him, and Petronius himself decided to refill the angel’s cup, hoping for some juicy gossip.

Crowley was way too sloshed to notice anything suspicious around them, and leaned in expectantly as Aziraphale whispered, loud enough to be heard five feet around.

“I am here for a miracle.”

“A miracle?” answered Crowley in kind. “Whot kinda miracle?”

The angel squinted, obviously gathering his thoughts to remember. Then his face cleared and he beamed. “An _angelic_ miracle! Cause m’n’angel!”

Crowley blinked. “No, t’s not what I--”

Aziraphale interrupted him. “Yes it is! M’not lying! M’ an angel!”

Everyone around them got back to their drinks with various disappointed expressions.

The demon scrunched up his face and let out something that sounded suspiciously like “ngk”, had “ngk” been a word. “M’not saying you’re not n’ _angel_. I know you’re one. T’s embarrassing enough, don’t remind me.”

The angel gaped. “I’m _embarrassing_?”

Crowley gestured with the hand holding his cup, sending his wine flying around. “Well _yeah_! M’a demon, me! What about my reputation if we’re seen together?”

“Your _reputation_?” repeated Aziraphale coldly. “Since when do you have a reputation?”

The angel got up unsteadily. “Well if it is such an _embarrassment_ to be seen with me, I can help you remedy that!”

The demon rolled his eyes. “Oh, stop being such a drama queen!”

Aziraphale gasped, a hand flying to his chest* “Me? _I_ am dramatic? How very _dare_ you!”

*In a motion that _no one_ would dare call _dramatic_ (at least out loud).

“Sirs!” snapped Petronius, right behind Crowley. “I will have to ask you to leave.”

Both entities turned to him with confused expressions. “Why?” they asked as one.

“You are making a scene in my restaurant,” said the man, crossing his arms.

Aziraphale looked around, eyes widening. “Oooooooh! Oh, that’s no good. Crowley, you vile snake, stop making a scene!”

Crowley spluttered, but the angel didn’t let him speak, fishing a miracled pouch of coins from his tunic and sobering up a little at the same time*. “Here, my dear sir. For the inconvenience. We will leave right away.”

*Crowley followed suit with an inward sigh. Getting plastered wasn’t half as fun alone.

Petronius looked inside the pouch, and gestured towards the kitchens. “No harm done. You can stay, of course. Have some more food and wine, noble citizens.”

“Oh that is just peachy!” chirped Aziraphale, sitting back down with a beam. “What a nice man,” he added to the demon as the human walked away.

Crowley snorted. “You gave him enough to buy a horse.”

“Well he deserves it. You cannot understand, you didn’t try his oysters.”

“I don’t eat snot, angel.”

“ _Snot_ ?” repeated the angel in outrage. “ _Really_ , Crowley, sometimes I wonder why I put up with you!”

Crowley sniggered. “You’d get bored without me.”

“I have to admit that you are right, for once.”

“For once?” asked Crowley, indignant.

“You are a lot of things, but _boring_ never figured among them.”

“ _For once_ , angel?”

“Anyway,” the angel continued, ignoring his friend, “I need to perform a small miracle for the Emperor. Show him the errors of his ways, guide him towards light, all that.”

Crowley forgot about the “for once” and blinked behind his dark glasses. “You’re here for Caligula?”

“I am, yes.”

“Show him the errors… angel. Angel, you can’t do that!”

“Why-ever not?”

“Cause he’s… you can’t _change_ that one, Aziraphale! He wouldn’t see the bloody light if you tossed him into a supernova! The only way you could change him would be brain transplant!”

“I am sure you are exaggerating.”

Crowley snatched his glasses off to glare at his friend. “I’m fucking serious! Why do you think I’m here? I’ve been following that jackass for the last two days. He’s _awful_ , Aziraphale! The man makes me sick, and I’m a _demon_! You’re wasting your time here!”

The angel looked down at his hands, pressing his lips stubbornly. “I have an assignment, Crowley, and I will do my best to fulfil it. I have only been asked to perform a small miracle, to make him dream of Heaven in his sleep. It sometimes has been enough to lead someone in the right direction.”

Crowley looked at him, and sighed in defeat. For a second, the words “let me do it for you” got caught in his throat, and he pushed them back guiltily. Him, performing a _miracle_ ? Why did he even _think_ about such a thing?

He knew why, of course. The very idea of Aziraphale approaching Caligula made him want to puke.

“You don’t want to spend more time than needed on this assignment, angel, believe me. Listen… I have connections there. Didn’t intend to get back, because honestly, there’s nothing I can do to make the man _worse_ than he already is so I was planning on leaving tomorrow, but there’s a party at the palace tonight. I can get you in.”

The angel lit up. “ _Really_? Oh, Crowley, you would do that?”

Crowley snarled. “Don’t you _dare_ thank me! And I have a condition: I help you get in, but you leave town right after your blessing. No dawdling or anything like that.”

Aziraphale pouted. “You want me out of town to stop me from thwarting you.”

This was bullshit, and they both knew it. But keeping up appearances was important to the angel. Crowley had formed the habit of humouring him, even if it was slightly laughable. Their respective sides didn’t keep track of their conversations. And even if they did, what was the angel really risking? A slap on the wrist?

But he didn’t like to see Aziraphale fret, so he nodded seriously, and played the game.

“Exactly. But if you’d rather do it your way, be my guest. Will take you forever to get close enough on your own.”

He looked at the angel over the rim of his glasses. Their eyes met for a second.

They had been living with the humans for four millennia, and had seen it all. For one of them to tell the other that a human was _horrible_ was warning enough.

Aziraphale sighed. “I imagine I will have to accept your terms. I have been told to act as fast as possible, after all. Using you would be only helping Heaven to win in the end.”

“Oi. You’re not using me, _I’m_ using you here!” protested Crowley.

The angel smiled mischievously, raising an eyebrow without a word.

“I am!” growled Crowley. “If you intend on insulting me, I’m out of here, Aziraphale. Warning you.”

“Do not be such a spoilsport, dear,” said the angel, patting his hand so patronisingly it was obvious he was doing it on purpose. “Remember I am the one inviting you today. You should take revenge through the wine.”

The demon tilted his head thoughtfully. Then he raised his hand. “Three bottles of your most expensive alcohol!” he ordered. “And bring five more for everyone else!”

Aziraphale tutted disapprovingly. “Really, my dear. This is unbecoming.”

Crowley grinned, and put his elbows on the table to cradle his chin over his hands. “Yup. That’ll teach you. Be ready to pay for a lot of future hangovers.”

“You are a foul fiend, Crowley.”

The demon smiled affectionately. “Flattery will get you everywhere, angel.”

“Perfect. Let it get me to Caligula, then.”

“I’ve promised, didn’t I? D’you trust me or not?” 

The angel looked up, opening his mouth, ready to answer, then his eyes widened in horror before closing in concentration. In the trash outside the restaurant, empty bottles refilled rapidly.

Aziraphale settled his jaw and glared at his hands on his lap.

“Really, Crowley, if you need to ask such a question and expect an answer, then I believe we both overindulged.”

Crowley cringed. _Shit_ ! Even tipsy as he was, he should have known better than to bring out the ‘T’ word. Aziraphale didn’t even dare call him ‘ _friend_ ’ out in the open in case they were overheard, for Satan’s sake!

“Angel, no, I didn’t--”

“I think it is high time for me to retire,” mumbled Aziraphale.

Crowley’s hand shot up, grabbing his friend’s wrist, sending the last remnants of alcohol out of his system with a thought.

“ _Aziraphale_ ,” he whispered urgently.

Reluctantly, the angel looked up.

Crowley bit his lip and grimaced. “I’m sorry. Really. T’was a stupid question.”

Aziraphale’s guarded expression melted. Crowley almost never apologised, and the angel always forgave. This was a deadly cocktail they both tried to avoid at all cost.

Aziraphale remembered Crowley’s foul mood when he had found him earlier that day. His companion had been slightly off all evening.

The poor dear must have had a really dreadful time to ask such a dangerous question. This new Emperor clearly was an awful fellow, and the angel was glad he’d been sent here after all. Crowley needed moral support, that much was obvious. The demon always had a hard time recovering after spending time around cruelty.

“It is all right. No harm done,” mumbled Aziraphale. He huffed before adding “that _was_ quite a stupid question.”

“I know. And there’s no more need to answer it than to ask it.”

“Precisely.”

“I mean, I’m a demon. I cannot be trusted. Kind of in the job description.”

“Only a fool would answer anything else.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

With a heavy sigh, Aziraphale reached out and opened one of the new bottles, pouring them both a large cup of wine.

The demon frowned. “You want to drink again?”

“Why not? We are both sober.”

Cautiously, Crowley clinked his glass with his friend, and took a sip. The angel usually didn’t get out of a snit that easily. He’d expected _at least_ some pouting, but he wasn’t about to count the teeth of that particular horse.

Aziraphale smiled sweetly, thinking fast.

He needed to stay close, and protect his dear enemy until he got better. No way he was going to leave Crowley in such a state. He was an angel, after all, and to offer comfort in a time of need was his Heavenly duty*.

*It was, and the Celestial Laws and Legislations specified that said duty applied to “all of Earth’s creatures”. As far as Aziraphale was concerned, Crowley was _on Earth_ , and if head office didn’t intend demons to be included in the law, then they should have been more specific in their phrasing.

“Maybe we could travel together once my assignment completed, since you were considering leaving the city and made me promise not to stay,” he suggested.

Crowley let out a non-committal noise. “Yeah. Maybe.”

This was an excellent idea. He couldn’t wait to see the angel as far away from here as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be of course the orgy.  
> I mean, party.^^  
> I feel the need to specify for readers that don't know me well yet that the rating will never go further than "teen and up audience" (and only because of Crowley's language :D ).
> 
> So if you're afraid of the word orgy, do not fear^^  
> If you're here BECAUSE of it, I apologise in advance 😇


End file.
